I understand that this quarantine must have been particularly hard. And I can only imagine how much more frustrating it can feel if you have been ghosted by someone, or if you feel as though a love interest has been withdrawing, or even if you feel obsessed with someone who isn’t actually reciprocating interest.
I’ve been there too. We all have been actually, at one stage or the other in our lives. Looking at our phones. Watching the minutes tick by. Waiting for who we thought was “the one” to pop into our inbox.. or maybe our snapchat… hell, at least our instagram DMs! I remember what the panic feels like, the confusion, the frustration, and the deep desire to keep it all to myself for a fear of my friends getting irritated with me talking about this person for the umpteenth time. And no, it’s not embarrassing. It is just a part of growing up. We experiment & experience, make mistakes and learn from then and finally, we EVOLVE and laugh back at these moments which were actually nothing but just a passing shower.
So you are not alone in this, we have all been through this and we have only come out more stronger and you shall too, JUST BELIEVE!
I know it’s not fun to experience it either. It’s not like you want to. You just.. do. Let me tell you why you do: you were raised to feel as though the people who don’t have the capacity to give you affection, time, and care are the people that love you. This is why we do inner child work. To navigate deep-rooted false truths like this one. So here are some quick tips to deal with the feeling of being ghosted or disconnected from someone during quarantine:
1. Remember that the strong attraction you feel to this person is most likely not attraction but instead, it is familiarity. How do I know this? Because someone who is interested in you would not be hot and cold with their communication with you. No one is perfect, but I’ll tell you what. Relationships are not built on fear, rejection, and confusion- you don’t have to repeat your childhood dynamics. When people care about you, they communicate with you. Maybe this person doesn’t have the ability to do that. This doesn’t make them a bad person. This makes them a person who is not in alignment with what you want. So there is absolutely no need to spend hours thinking about whether they love you or not cause if they really do, you would not even have to question yourself or even others about it, for that matter. Simple as that.
2. Remember that the fear of rejection is what is behind the whole obsession. Getting ghosted reminds you of how you felt as a child. Maybe your parent worked many hours. Maybe they didn’t pay attention to your needs. Maybe- or likely- both. This painful memory actually drives the desire to latch on to the very people that reject us. Remember this, them ghosting you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on with them which could involve a MULTITUDE of things from not being ready for commitment to having to deal with their own childhood trauma or maybe just prioritising their career or any other thing above the whole dynamics of relationships.
3. Remember that infatuation affects our logic. Literally, when we like someone it’s almost as if our logic is turned OFF. We can’t think straight! Suddenly everything is possible and everything makes sense- even when it doesn’t! Consciously remind yourself that a bunch of hormones are circulating through your body that may just be throwing off your logic. Get a journal and write down all the reasons you know this person wouldn’t be the best match for you based on your previous not so great experiences to help bring your logic to the forefront. Cause love should have nothing to do with logic, whereas infatuation or that attraction feeling is centred around adversely affecting our logical thinking.
4. Remember that this infatuation with the emotionally unavailable person only lasts a season. Even though it feels like you’ll NEVER stop thinking about them or that you won’t get over them trust me, you WILL. I have. I know people who have and you shall too, you just need to believe in yourself and start working towards your own best interest. Especially if you start with following the above steps!
5. Nurture your bond with your friends and family instead because Family is where life begins and love never ends. Seek serenity in them till you learn to make peace with your solitude. Facetime them a bit more if they aren’t close by. Text them instead and watch how organically you heal your wounds in the warmth and comfort of your “actual” loved ones.
I hope these helped! And I hope you remember to re-direct your attention back to yourself as opposed to keeping it directed towards that emotionally unavailable person who doesn’t have the ability to see you for all your truly worth.
I hope you make it your daily ritual to show love to yourself- to make knowing yourself your highest priority.
Cause at the end of the day, you are your truest companion! Make sure you shower enough love and affection on *that companion* with whom you would be 24/7 spending the rest of your life.
P.S~ Major inspiration for this article has been my all time favourite “The Self Love Fix” podcast on Google.