In today’s World everybody want’s to be successful but what is success?The perspective of success various from person to person.”Hardwork is the key to success”. Success is simply the feeling of satisfaction and happiness one get’s from leading a particular way of life or carrying out a particular activity.We all know that we can’t achieve something without sacrificing something sucess require determination, passion, dedication in order to achieve one goal or aim in life.Nowadays people compare their performance to evaluate their success.The road to success is not a straight path.There is a curve called failure, a loop called confusion,speed bumps called Freinds, red light called enemies, caution lights called Family.You will have flats called Jobs.But if you have spare called determination,an engine called preseevence, Insurance called faith then you will definitely make it to a place called ‘Success’.There should be some purpose in every body’s life in order to succeed in order to determine the goals you need to have a plan to achieve your dream.
I understand that this quarantine must have been particularly hard. And I can only imagine how much more frustrating it can feel if you have been ghosted by someone, or if you feel as though a love interest has been withdrawing, or even if you feel obsessed with someone who isn’t actually reciprocating interest.
I’ve been there too. We all have been actually, at one stage or the other in our lives. Looking at our phones. Watching the minutes tick by. Waiting for who we thought was “the one” to pop into our inbox.. or maybe our snapchat… hell, at least our instagram DMs! I remember what the panic feels like, the confusion, the frustration, and the deep desire to keep it all to myself for a fear of my friends getting irritated with me talking about this person for the umpteenth time. And no, it’s not embarrassing. It is just a part of growing up. We experiment & experience, make mistakes and learn from then and finally, we EVOLVE and laugh back at these moments which were actually nothing but just a passing shower.
So you are not alone in this, we have all been through this and we have only come out more stronger and you shall too, JUST BELIEVE!
I know it’s not fun to experience it either. It’s not like you want to. You just.. do. Let me tell you why you do: you were raised to feel as though the people who don’t have the capacity to give you affection, time, and care are the people that love you. This is why we do inner child work. To navigate deep-rooted false truths like this one. So here are some quick tips to deal with the feeling of being ghosted or disconnected from someone during quarantine:
1. Remember that the strong attraction you feel to this person is most likely not attraction but instead, it is familiarity. How do I know this? Because someone who is interested in you would not be hot and cold with their communication with you. No one is perfect, but I’ll tell you what. Relationships are not built on fear, rejection, and confusion- you don’t have to repeat your childhood dynamics. When people care about you, they communicate with you. Maybe this person doesn’t have the ability to do that. This doesn’t make them a bad person. This makes them a person who is not in alignment with what you want. So there is absolutely no need to spend hours thinking about whether they love you or not cause if they really do, you would not even have to question yourself or even others about it, for that matter. Simple as that.
2. Remember that the fear of rejection is what is behind the whole obsession. Getting ghosted reminds you of how you felt as a child. Maybe your parent worked many hours. Maybe they didn’t pay attention to your needs. Maybe- or likely- both. This painful memory actually drives the desire to latch on to the very people that reject us. Remember this, them ghosting you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on with them which could involve a MULTITUDE of things from not being ready for commitment to having to deal with their own childhood trauma or maybe just prioritising their career or any other thing above the whole dynamics of relationships.
3. Remember that infatuation affects our logic. Literally, when we like someone it’s almost as if our logic is turned OFF. We can’t think straight! Suddenly everything is possible and everything makes sense- even when it doesn’t! Consciously remind yourself that a bunch of hormones are circulating through your body that may just be throwing off your logic. Get a journal and write down all the reasons you know this person wouldn’t be the best match for you based on your previous not so great experiences to help bring your logic to the forefront. Cause love should have nothing to do with logic, whereas infatuation or that attraction feeling is centred around adversely affecting our logical thinking.
4. Remember that this infatuation with the emotionally unavailable person only lasts a season. Even though it feels like you’ll NEVER stop thinking about them or that you won’t get over them trust me, you WILL. I have. I know people who have and you shall too, you just need to believe in yourself and start working towards your own best interest. Especially if you start with following the above steps!
5. Nurture your bond with your friends and family instead because Family is where life begins and love never ends. Seek serenity in them till you learn to make peace with your solitude. Facetime them a bit more if they aren’t close by. Text them instead and watch how organically you heal your wounds in the warmth and comfort of your “actual” loved ones.
I hope these helped! And I hope you remember to re-direct your attention back to yourself as opposed to keeping it directed towards that emotionally unavailable person who doesn’t have the ability to see you for all your truly worth.
I hope you make it your daily ritual to show love to yourself- to make knowing yourself your highest priority.
Cause at the end of the day, you are your truest companion! Make sure you shower enough love and affection on *that companion* with whom you would be 24/7 spending the rest of your life.
P.S~ Major inspiration for this article has been my all time favourite “The Self Love Fix” podcast on Google.
Firstly let’s understand that HATE is a very strong emotion to be expressed and a very strong word to be used for anyone irrespective of whatever the person may have done. Hence, the pre-eminent truth lies in acknowledging the fact that we can never truly hate anybody because we, human beings are created by the supreme to offer only Love. Then how can we even possibly do or feel something which is in absolute contradiction to the purpose of our life and creation. So let this thing be fitted into your mind that you cannot dislike anybody even to a mammoth extent to be able to call it as hatred.
Notwithstanding, I do understand that sometimes other people’s wrongdoings often break our heart, ache our soul take a toll on our mental well being by gigantic amounts that we don’t know what to do now and we feel like we have been ditched. And it’s an observable pattern that often people who are very close to our heart, they may be our parents, siblings, best friends or partner; only hurt us in deepest ways unimaginable. We try to mend the broken ties and we fail again because we just can’t forget what they did to us, let alone the act of forgiving them. Then we go on to categorise this feeling of heartbreak and give it a label as “hatred”. I hate that somebody, I hate him for making me go through hell, I hate my friend she ditched me etc.
But have you ever tried to look deep into our own self? I have and I tried to figure out the reason behind the hatred only to realise that nobody else can make us feel a certain way. We can only feel what we choose to, be it the feeling of positivity & love, anger & hatred or anything in general. So now that we have a choice to accept and reject either gold (positive thoughts) or coal (negative thoughts); What are you going to choose? Doesn’t it make the choice really simple?
My dear friend, just try and let this thought go off your mind that you are feeling hurt/broken by anybody’s ill actions and feed this piece of information within that you have forgiven them. You’d find out that it actually works, that is the power of the subconscious mind. Your mind is like a servant and you are the BOSS so make sure you instruct it to feel happy and peaceful and slowly but steadily, let go of all the grudges.
At times the heart would find it difficult to accept it again but remember that you just cannot give up.
for you have to be the person who breaks the cycle:
If they mis-judged you, choose understanding and compassion.
if they rejected you, try and learn to accept yourself with all the flaws.
Be the person you needed when you felt the pain, the agony and the hurt and not the one who hurt you. Realise that those people are full of hatred and you don’t want to become just like them so that they become successful in their attempt of hurting you. But first, also forgive them only then you would be able to do justice to yourself else you will be caught up, quite unknowingly, in a bubble of revenge and pessimistic behaviour which would only deter your growth. Also, know that the process is slow and tiring but deeply satistifying and fruitful. So just don’t give up!
Lastly, Shine so bright and be so full of love that they go on to repent for their wrongdoings and that would be your ultimate success. I wish you all the very best in this journey of self love and healing.
Hey everyone, This time around, I’m coming with some very raw & real tips. If you are spending your quarantine with a narcissist or an emotionally abusive person, I know how uneasy, frustrated, and drained you must feel. You may feel as though you are walking on eggshells- anticipating what you may or may not have to expect from this person. Because of this, I want to be here as a resource to give you tips on how you can keep your peace and weather this storm:
1. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY TRY TO ENTICE YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, YOU MUST STAY NEUTRAL & UNREACTIVE.
You might be saying, “But! they are so hurtful! All they do is pick me apart and tear me apart! I have to say something back”. I get you. I have been there. But, what if I told you narcissists get their energy and their sense of self from your attention- negative or positive. No matter if the attention is negative or positive it communicates the same message to them- it communicates to them that they are important. This is what they seek. A sense of importance. So my tip to you is to be like a grey rock- neutral, unreactive, & boring. One word answers like “okay” and “sure” “yes” and “no” will take you far. I promise if you do this enough times you will start to notice they bother you less than usual. Why? Because they can’t get much out of you. I know this will be tough but remember one thing, you don’t have to defend yourself against them- they won’t hear you anyway.
2. IMAGINE A MIRROR IS IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE WHEN THEY SPEAK NEGATIVELY TOWARDS YOU.
The narcissist is incredibly critical, you know this and you know how painful it can be. Remember this, as they criticize you, they are really just projecting how they feel about themselves to you. They hold themselves AND unfortunately, you, to an impossible standard. Understand that they cannot tell the difference between you and themselves. They believe everyone is an extension of themselves. This is why I say to imagine a mirror is in front of your face when they speak to you, because it will help you consciously remember that as they are criticizing you, they are really criticizing themselves. I promise, none of what they are saying about you is true.
3. DO SOMETHING THAT ONLY INVOLVES YOURSELF, DAILY.
This is critical. This is huge. This is for your sanity. This helps you ground within yourself and stay rooted within yourself. Take a walk for a couple of minutes per day, take an extra long shower or bath, and/or do some yoga/stretches. These all sound like simple suggestions, I know, but try it. You’ll see how much of a difference it makes in remembering how much you and your peace matters- and is within your reach.
4. AFFIRM YOURSELF EVERY MORNING.
Affirm that you know your experiences are valid. Affirm that you know you are not going crazy. Affirm that even if you are the only one who is aware of the discord going on within your home- your experiences are real and true. Affirm that eventually you will get out of this situation and that this situation will not get a hold of you. For more affirmations, make sure you check out my inner child healing affirmations and meditations here.
5. SOOTHE YOUR INNER CHILD.
When we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even anxious, sometimes it is our inner child feeling triggered by the memories she once experienced during childhood. So when the narcissist in your life triggers those feelings- and subconscious memories, take a moment to be with yourself- when you get the chance- to remind the younger you that the adult you is here now. There is nothing to fear. Remind her how loved and lovable she is and how she will be okay, she’ll make it through.
I hope you implement these tips during quarantine and that you remember that this is just a season, that you are dong the best that you can, and that things may not look as though you want them to now, but they will all get better in a matter of time.
P.S~ The major inspiration for writing this article has been the podcast on Google titled as “The Self Love Fix”. It’s amazing. You all must give it a try.
All of us might be aware of the general meaning of this word “street smart” but let us now try and understand what deep notions does it have. Okay, so if we stick to the basic meaning which is that being a street smart means that you are aware of the circumstances and situations encircling you and are able to rightly interpret the thoughts and intentions of the people who are surrounding you through your instinct-driven judgements.
Furthermore, you have that ability to trust your gut and that is the reason why you don’t get tricked or played on easily and hence you respond much more effectively to the menacing state of affairs, often caused in an urban environment. As a result of which, you often bypass and tend to cross over so many of the hurdles which could have otherwise trapped you but because of your presence of mind and your streetsmart attitude, you managed to escape. Bravo! And all these incidents instill mammoth amounts of confidence within you which keeps upping your street smart game and you pave the path towards your own success.
Okay so this was a brief introduction about how the life of a street smart functions but now the question arises that how do you become one yourself?
It’s easy but requires regular practice. You just need to allow yourself to be vulnerable whilst maintaining strong grip at your vigilance at the initial stages and be open to experiences, of all kinds cause as they say you don’t know it unless you experience it. Now consider an example; if someone is trying to emotionally manipulate you by the the usage of sweet tones, you might get swayed away once or even twice, given that you trust too easily but not the third time. Why? Because you would, quite naturally, become alert and attentive enough to fall into the trap again. Works like a vaccine you see, immunity develops on its own upon exposure to disease.
So my dear, wisdom lies in letting yourself being exposed to uncomfortable situations that make your adrenaline rush, constantly putting yourself to tests and then evaluating your result later on. That’s how you monitor selfgrowth. Now if you keep shielding yourself by continuing to stay in your bubble, then you are highly likely to get tricked one day or the other because you just won’t know how to deal with those situations or those people, in general because you never taught yourself that and there’s no way to avoid them.
About being streetsmart, know that it’s a self learnt thing and there are so many situations out there to teach you that, you just have to be open to learning. Isn’t it simple? Speaking from personal experience, I became street smart quite organically because I absorbed everything from my surroundings, trusted my gut, followed my heart and then shapeshifted accordingly. You can try it yourself. After all life’s too short and being a street smart makes it worthwhile and interesting.