Hey everyone, This time around, I’m coming with some very raw & real tips. If you are spending your quarantine with a narcissist or an emotionally abusive person, I know how uneasy, frustrated, and drained you must feel. You may feel as though you are walking on eggshells- anticipating what you may or may not have to expect from this person. Because of this, I want to be here as a resource to give you tips on how you can keep your peace and weather this storm:
1. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY TRY TO ENTICE YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, YOU MUST STAY NEUTRAL & UNREACTIVE.
You might be saying, “But! they are so hurtful! All they do is pick me apart and tear me apart! I have to say something back”. I get you. I have been there. But, what if I told you narcissists get their energy and their sense of self from your attention- negative or positive. No matter if the attention is negative or positive it communicates the same message to them- it communicates to them that they are important. This is what they seek. A sense of importance. So my tip to you is to be like a grey rock- neutral, unreactive, & boring. One word answers like “okay” and “sure” “yes” and “no” will take you far. I promise if you do this enough times you will start to notice they bother you less than usual. Why? Because they can’t get much out of you. I know this will be tough but remember one thing, you don’t have to defend yourself against them- they won’t hear you anyway.
2. IMAGINE A MIRROR IS IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE WHEN THEY SPEAK NEGATIVELY TOWARDS YOU.
The narcissist is incredibly critical, you know this and you know how painful it can be. Remember this, as they criticize you, they are really just projecting how they feel about themselves to you. They hold themselves AND unfortunately, you, to an impossible standard. Understand that they cannot tell the difference between you and themselves. They believe everyone is an extension of themselves. This is why I say to imagine a mirror is in front of your face when they speak to you, because it will help you consciously remember that as they are criticizing you, they are really criticizing themselves. I promise, none of what they are saying about you is true.
3. DO SOMETHING THAT ONLY INVOLVES YOURSELF, DAILY.
This is critical. This is huge. This is for your sanity. This helps you ground within yourself and stay rooted within yourself. Take a walk for a couple of minutes per day, take an extra long shower or bath, and/or do some yoga/stretches. These all sound like simple suggestions, I know, but try it. You’ll see how much of a difference it makes in remembering how much you and your peace matters- and is within your reach.
4. AFFIRM YOURSELF EVERY MORNING.
Affirm that you know your experiences are valid. Affirm that you know you are not going crazy. Affirm that even if you are the only one who is aware of the discord going on within your home- your experiences are real and true. Affirm that eventually you will get out of this situation and that this situation will not get a hold of you. For more affirmations, make sure you check out my inner child healing affirmations and meditations here.
5. SOOTHE YOUR INNER CHILD.
When we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even anxious, sometimes it is our inner child feeling triggered by the memories she once experienced during childhood. So when the narcissist in your life triggers those feelings- and subconscious memories, take a moment to be with yourself- when you get the chance- to remind the younger you that the adult you is here now. There is nothing to fear. Remind her how loved and lovable she is and how she will be okay, she’ll make it through.
I hope you implement these tips during quarantine and that you remember that this is just a season, that you are dong the best that you can, and that things may not look as though you want them to now, but they will all get better in a matter of time.
P.S~ The major inspiration for writing this article has been the podcast on Google titled as “The Self Love Fix”. It’s amazing. You all must give it a try.