Tag Archives: mindfulness

WAYS TO LOVE YOURSELF AFTER A BREAKUP

Getting out of a toxic relationship is the first step to getting to know yourself better. Breaking up with a toxic person can sometimes feel like your whole world is falling apart and you see no hope left in you nor the world around you. Being in a relationship with a toxic person can make you feel like you can’t live without them. Here you realize that you are better off without that person in your life.

Some ways to learn to love yourself are:

1. Learn to let go-I know letting go of someone you thought you’ll spend your entire life with is difficult. It is easy to say this but it is difficult for the person to take this step but remember you will see A new you at the end who has learned to love oneself. It’ll be difficult at first, but the more you practice.

2. Have some”me time”- This is the time to do things your partner never gave you “permission” to do. Go meet those friends, pamper yourself with manicures, write a novel, take up a new hobby.

3. Minimize your bad habits-After a breakup it gets intriguing to go for drinks, smoke, or some other bad habits. You might feel good in the short span but later on, you’ll find yourself ruining your life even more. So let go of those bad habits!

4. Make your health a priority- Exercise instead of turning to junk food or binge-watching Netflix. Start eating healthier. It will boost you up and help you sleep better.

5. Take control-After some time away from the toxic person you will feel the urge to go back to that person, Stop yourself! Channel your energy in something productive.

6. Communicate with others- A tough breakup can make you wonder in life. At this time the people you should surround yourself with are your friends and loved ones. Discussing the emotions and feelings you have after a breakup can make you feel better. Having someone who not only hears you but listens to you is a blessing.period.

7. Try practicing mindfulness-After a breakup letting go of negative thoughts and emotions is important. This is where mindfulness can help.

“Much of spiritual life is self-acceptance, maybe all of it.”

-Jack Kornfield

8. Focus on the positive-It will take some time to get rid of the toxic thoughts and focus on the positive. But when you finally do it you will realize that you give more to yourself than one could ever give. You learn to accept your flaws and this positive outlook in life will help you connect and meet new people.

9. Be patient-Healing from the damage could take some time but you need to be patient; with time passing you’ll think that you cannot trust anyone again and then realize that this isn’t true. Practicing different types of exercises and new habits will ultimately help you let go of the past and make you a much confident person. So remember, patience is the key!

10.Never underestimate yourself-Never underrate yourself because you alone know the emotions and hurt you’ve gone through. Molding yourself into a stronger person is in your hands.

When you learn to love yourself everything will fall into place.

-SHANAIA COLACO

Can You Give Up?

“You can do it. Just a little more effort. You’re almost there. You’re the hero. I know you have it in you. You can’t give up.”

Well, here’s some newsflash for you. You can give up.

Be it movies, songs, books, everyone’s pushing the protagonist to do a thing which is clearly out of their scope. They may not have the physical or mental strength to do the thing but we still expect them to. It doesn’t matter whether you want to do that thing or whether it’s actually for a greater good. You just have to do it. You cannot give up. Because giving up is for losers. And the hero cannot be a loser, right? Or it’s the opposite? A loser cannot be a hero?

Shah Rukh Khan’s character from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi was a scrawny guy who tried to fight with a samurai. Since they are selling their movie to you and it’s ‘the SRK’, obviously he’s going to win that fight. But think about this. You are up against some buffy wrestler let alone a professional sumo wrestler. Do you think you stand a teensy bit chance? You have your answer right there.

Provided this whole notion of not giving up works on some people, but it’s warping the minds of others. Most people cause some irreversible damage while not giving up. And more often than not, this damage is to them. I am not saying giving up is a good thing. But it’s not a bad thing either. Don’t you think, it would be nice to have an option of giving up, backing down from doing a particular thing when it is clearly out of our reach, and not be judged for it?

give up

Most of you might not know this but there is a Disney movie Moana whose scene would be apt in a situation like this. When Moana confesses she couldn’t defeat the villain, Te Fiti, her Grandma clearly says that it is not Moana’s fault. She states that the burden is too much for her granddaughter and that she would be with her even if Moana wants to go back home.

Moana did end up defeating Te Fiti in the end. But that wasn’t because someone pushed her to do that. Instead, she realized her power and strength on her own. This just shows that even if you don’t have enough strength to do something, you are not a loser. What matters is you gave your best. And there will be people who’re there for you, supporting you even when you get defeated in life because it’s not your fault. It was just too much burden.

Or a more relatable example would be Aamir Khan’s character in 3 Idiots who fought against all odds to study not because someone was pushing or cheering him but because he himself wanted to do that.

Having said all that, I’m not against actually working hard. But the focus remains on working hard because you yourself want to achieve something. What I’m saying is we should all try to find our inner voice and be happy with whatever outcome there is to our situations.

Falling Apart

Our life is never about the destination. Life is a beautiful journey with a lot of stops along the way. We feel if we know what to expect in our future, we will be ready for it. This imagery has become so much a part of our language that we don’t even stop to think about what it actually means for us.

When things don’t go our way, it feels like everything is falling apart. Despite having our bouts of feeling depressed we try to remain in a continual state of happiness. However, this is possible only if we accept the fact that everything is as good or bad as one’s opinion makes it.

Everyone is in a constant state of falling apart. How you deal with it is dictated by your outlook on life. You could, after all, try these few things.

  1. Never hide your emotions

Some people like to cry when they are overwhelmed. Tears are, in fact, a way for your body to get rid of those excess emotions, and if you hold these emotions too long they may corrode your insides. Talk to people – your loved ones, your friends. You will find that every one of them has something difficult going on in their lives.

  1. Be honest

Be true to yourself. If you cannot admit your problem to yourself, you can never openly talk about it which means you will never be able to take the first step towards solving that problem. So much pain mostly comes from not telling the truth. Lying is mostly the reason for things falling apart. After admitting the truth to yourself, make sure you always tell the truth to those around you. It may hurt for a second but eventually, things will fall back into place.

  1. Ask for help

The society inherently and subconsciously teaches us that asking for help is pathetic and a sign of weakness. This makes a person feel trapped and alone, inevitably hurting him and those around him. Accept the fact that everyone struggles at some point in the journey of their life. Instead of acting like it is not universal, start hailing vulnerability for what it actually is – a sign of strength, openness, and hope. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

  1. Have your cheat moments

Just like people have their cheat days from diets, have your cheat moments from the problems you are facing. Do not let your pain entirely rule every aspect of your life. Enjoy some trivial and jovial moments of life guilt-free.

  1. There will be days when you are not okay, and that is okay

The journey of life is a bumpy one. There will be days where the pain and reality of your situation will consume you. Allow yourself to feel helpful on such days. But never forget that tomorrow is a good day and the sun will eventually shine brightly again. When it seems like life is falling apart, it may actually be falling into a place better than expected.

Image Courtesy: Google